Writing to Think and Express

The impact of journaling on my life, and the art of writing to express ideas and emotions.

• How I've written this article

• Journaling: writing to think

• Writing: the process

• On vocabulary

• On being assertive

• Audience for art

• Beyond self-expression

I feel a bit insecure every now and then, when I read something somebody has written that captures exactly what I've been wanting to say, probably way better than how I would have said it. Immediately, I feel useless and sometimes it is terrifying now that I've decided to try a career out of this. I've learned to look past this feeling by breaking down this issue in my own style.

First of all, the idea is rarely exactly the same. In my mind, it is a mix of feelings and words that I've not penned down in my own way. When somebody comes along and does that, it feels like they said what I wanted to say, because they have fished out of it a coherent narrative when I haven't. My narrative although 'inefficient' would have still been unique.

Second, even if somebody has said it and I'm right in thinking I would've said it the same way, I appreciate it. I still attempt to put into words the ideas I have, surrounding what has already been written. I'm constantly reminded that most of my insecurities in being creative for a living, come from treading a deceptively simple, dangerous line: my creative output being equated to my self-worth. Sometimes by others, sometimes by myself. I've grown used to the idea now that I am far more than what I write.

So this article is slightly different. I've collected pearls of wisdom from a lot of writers on the process of writing and I've strung them together in my own style.

Journaling: Writing to Think

"Reading maketh a good man. Conference, a ready man. Writing, an exact man." - Francis Bacon

There are multiple ways to journal, so I will share just my method here. Most people I know sit down with their journals to process emotions and get clarity on feelings, but I like to record my thoughts on anything and everything. It is a way for me to keep track of Aha-moments, interests, emotions, points for arguments and conversations, poetic elements and inspirations, book and song recommendations, macronutrient tracking, quotable quotes and all kinds of random things. It is like a log book of my life.

Source: https://www.artstation.com/artwork/9YDNR

If you've read Harry Potter, you can imagine Dumbledore pulling out a shimmering silver strand of 'thought' (memory, yes, but memory is a thought) from his temple and storing it in a vial. I like to think of journaling like this. I do this with a Notes app on my phone. I record vague, undefined thoughts and weave them into a web of ideas over time. It is basically the process of fishing coherence out of a chaotic pool of incoherent thoughts; of giving life to a few words in favour of hundreds. I am in my deep thinking zone almost everywhere - grocery stores, gym, public transport, library, parks, mountains, hiking trails, etc - and as soon as a lightbulb goes off in my head, I take out my phone and write down a few words about it.

***List created with a friend

Examples of journal entries

I like the handiness of this approach because so many of my best ideas come to me in the most random settings, least of all when I sit down to journal. And once in a while, I go through all my notes to sniff out a big picture. Most of my insights are collected over a time frame of several months. I like to sit with my poems too, eventually taking anywhere between twenty minutes to two years for a single poem. Genuine inspiration can come from anybody, anytime and anywhere, and most importantly from within. You just have to seize it as it comes.

"Writing isn't what you do after you have an idea. It's how you develop an inkling into an insight. Turning thoughts into words sharpens reasoning. What's fuzzy in the head is clear on the page. I'm not a writer shouldn't stop you from writing. Writing is a tool for thinking" - Adam Grant

My writing style is conversational because I document the conversations in my head. The process is like this -

"... to think you have to divide yourself into sub-personalities I suppose, each of which has a differing opinion, a well elucidated differing opinion, and you have to let these different elements of your personality have an internal dialogue, and draw conclusions from that." - Jordan Peterson

Journaling has had a tremendous impact on my life, for the very simple reason that it is a direct path to self-awareness. In Henry Miller's words, "... the writer walks the path, in order to eventually become the path". I make sense of the world by understanding more about myself and my relationships, and by extension, human nature and the reality around me. Since I am often lost in deep thoughts, the only way for me to avoid being paralyzed by all kinds of ideas and interests is to collect them over time and make sense of them all. I've managed to get myself out of confusion and a 'career crisis' by constantly being on top of my thoughts.

"You learn to write so you can think. You learn to think so the world doesn't treat you any more harshly than it absolutely has to." - Jordan Peterson

Writing as a way to note down emotions is hard because it is scary to confront words that solidify feelings, particularly when they're 'negative'. Every one of us is a bit scared to affirm what we feel. I can only say what I've gained from that personally - these feelings either turn into poems or words that mend the wounds of my soul, or truths that give me clarity. And clarity gives me the strength to take it on better because at least I know what it is I cannot solve, that I just need to accept. The process itself ends up being an outlet for the confused energy in me.

Writing: The Process

It is by journaling that I recognized the value of my thoughts and words, so I went beyond that to writing as a way of self-expression, and a form of art. It is funny how I felt least capable of writing, when I decided to be a 'writer'. Identity does that to you, it drops the weight of everybody who wears that identity onto your head, and then you no longer know how to do what you've always been doing.

Labels don't define me anymore. I wear them like hats to live in a society crazed with telling me who I am, if I don't say it myself. I constantly try to wriggle off the layers people place on me and my writing style. And all writers have their own methods.

Some writers will tell you to not write anything unless you have something to say -

"Write honestly, even if poorly. Throw your dictionary away, if you can't make words fuck, don't masturbate them. Try to forget everything you learned in college. First ask if you have anything to say. Don't draw the pen unless you are ready for the kill." - Henry Miller

But you don't have to 'kill it' every time. Words can be worked and reworked. But it matters that you write down what you want to say when you have something to say.

Some writers will tell you to make a routine out of the process -

"I've always told myself to treat it like a 9-5 job. You just go do it. It doesn't matter whether you are feeling good that day. I don't think writers or artists can have a 'creative temperament' or to wait for inspiration to descend. You have to sit there and simply make yourself do it. And over the years, that's just a discipline I really developed. I can sit down at my desk every day and do my work, never give myself permission not to do it. Once your mind understands it has no excuses, it's remarkable how it begins to play along. " - Salman Rushdie

This could work on the condition that you have something to say but don't know how to say it. I cannot sit down to write for the sake of writing (maybe you can, don't let me hold you back). What is the thought that you feel compelled to pen down? Once you are aware of its existence, you could either 'go for the kill' or labour at it slowly.

Art is subjective. Artists have vanity because it's the only way to retain self-esteem and keep doing art. They live in a world with other people who are not artists and some others who claim themselves to be artists, who don't understand artistic nuance, and who size up and compare works of art. So artists develop an arrogance about their methods and work to remain sane and keep up the creative output. Famous writers will tell you "... don't be that writer, don't do it if you don't do it this way." Listen, but be assured that your own style is the ultimate weapon you have.

Vocabulary

As a dancer, I used to constantly stress over the fact that I'm repeating the same steps in my choreographies. Now that I'm writing, I have the same feeling with the phrases I use.

This is the way people I know (and I myself) identify my output, and I've learned to live with it. I know clearly of my own desire to improve and try new things. It doesn't matter that the world thinks I'm stuck in the same place, because when I put out my work they see only a snapshot of me moving. But I'm moving and it is enough for me that I know this.

"A professional writer is an amateur who doesn't quit" - Richard Bach

Expanding vocabulary - new dance moves, words and phrases, frames in photography, brush strokes, and so on - is easy, but incorporating them naturally is extremely hard. You have to first make it yours so that it looks seamlessly yourself, and you start by pretending and trying and exposing yourself to the new ways frequently.

Now I wear my patterns proudly on my sleeve. They are mine, but they are not me.

"You should always be trying to write a poem you are unable to write, a poem you lack the technique, the language, the courage to achieve. Otherwise you are merely imitating yourself, going nowhere because that's always easiest. " - John Berryman

(Once again, read it but don't hold on to the 'should'.)

Being assertive

If you're a good writer, you are worried about being assertive, about holding up your truths with conviction, about not being able to give a disclaimer every time you write that this is just your perspective or opinion. That's really what makes you a good writer. (Look at me being assertive here!)

"It doesn't matter how much you know. It matters how clearly others understand what you know" - Simon Sinek

And every single time I'm hesitant to hold up my cards for the world to see, I remember these pearls -

"I'm a writer and everything I write is both a confession and a struggle to understand things about myself and this world in which I live. This is what everyone's work should be - whether you dance or paint or sing. It is a confession, a baring of your soul, your faults, those things you simply cannot or will not understand or accept. You stumble forward, confused, and you share. If you're lucky you learn something. " - Arthur Miller

"The writer must be in it; he can't be to one side of it, ever. He has to be endangered by it. His own attitudes have to be tested in it. The best work that anybody ever writes is the work that is on the verge of embarrassing himself, always. " - Arthur Miller

Audience: The Big Question

As I had already mentioned in the beginning, since my creative output tends to be equated to my self-worth, most of the obstacles to free expression are from thinking about the audience too much. Random people in my life pop into my mind when I sit down to think of how my outputs will be received, and it has been a struggle to shut all of those voices out. Even louder are the roaring works of other talented artists. External validation is bittersweet because it helps me continue creating, but wanting it a little more or from different people puts me at risk of losing my grasp over my art.

"Most of us really want to offer the world something of quality, something that the world will consider good or important. And that's really the enemy because its not upto us whether what we do is any good. And if history has taught us anything, its that the world is an unreliable critic. " - Ethan Hawke

Whenever I feel insignificant or incapable of 'great works of art', I remember why I do this. It's because I rejoice in writing, and I do it for myself.

"Use what talents you possess - the woods will be very silent if no birds sang there except for those that sang best." - Henry Van Dyke

Beyond the Pleasure of Self-expression

Why do people write poems, short stories, even blog articles? If you're not in this for a career, why do you write?

"We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. " - Dead Poets Society

Why do you paint if you don't sell your paintings? Why do you dance if you don't have a stage or audience? Why do you want to wear nice clothes if you're not in the fashion industry?

"Without self-expression, life lacks spontaneity and joy" - Laurence Boldt

Apart from doing these things purely for the pleasure of self-expression, your art can have more impact than you think.

Some random things people write never leave you. Ever. When I was 17, I was getting lost in random corners of the internet and I came across this short story in someone's blog. It's a love story between Krishna and Radha, written many years before I read it, that I have never been able to forget. It's enough to show me where my own pieces can go.

So I'll leave you with one last pearl, so that "... the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse. "

"Defy the law - Write the heartbroken poetry of the World!" - Jack Kerouac